Email funny from my dad

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question set on an Essex University mid-term Chemistry examination paper. One student’s answer was “so profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues via the internet, which is, of course, why we have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote answers using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and gains heat when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave, therefore no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not of their faith then you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one religion and since people do not belong to more than one, we can project that all souls will go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now we must look at the rate of change of the volume of Hell, because (according to Boyle’s Law) in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives rise to two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a rate slower than the rate at which souls are entering Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my first year at University, that “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you” – and if we take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then the second possibility must hold true; thus Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over it will not be accepting any more souls and is therefore effectively extinct. This leaves only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being and explaining why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God!”

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+