jokes from dad

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello?"

"Mrs. Sanders, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.

"Normally we can, but the new health care system will only pay for these expensive tests just one time."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The folks in Washington who are reforming health care recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

How the world works lately... If a man cuts his finger off while Slicing salami at work, He blames the restaurant.    If you smoke three packs a day For 40 years and die of lung cancer, Your family blames the Tobacco company.   If your neighbor crashes Into a tree while driving home drunk, He blames the bartender.  If your grandchildren are Brats without manners, You blame television.   If your friend is shot by a Deranged madman, You blame the gun manufacturer..   And if a crazed person breaks Into the cockpit and Tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, And the passengers Kill him instead, The mother of the crazed deceased Blames the airline.   I must have lived too long to Understand the world As it is anymore. So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED ASS is parked in front of this computer, I want all of you to Blame Bill Gates.