joke time

Buttercups and Golf balls....
Towards the end of the golf course, Tom hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch..

All of a sudden... POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm Mother Nature!" "Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?" "Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life; better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!"

Then POOF! ... She was gone!

After Tom recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, "Fred, where are you?"

Fred yells back, "I'm over here in the pussy willows."

Tom shouts back, 'DON'T SWING Fred; FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!!!'

Hunting
Dave and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming bird hunting trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Dave headed home frustrated.

That weekend, when all Dave's buddies arrived up at the cabin to hunt, they were completely shocked to see Dave. He was already sitting in a lawn chair hav'n a cold beer, orange vest on, shotgun in the truck, and his dog run'n around.

"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Dave?"

"Believe it or not, I didn't have to," Dave replied.

"Thursday night, when I left our meeting, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then the ol'lady snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'."

"When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful new see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed, and you can do whatever you want'......SO, HERE I AM!"