funny junk email

I received an email the other day informing me as to why I had not yet received my inheritance. I knew it was gonna be a good one because it was sent by Jack Bauer. At least now I know what he does in between bouts of saving the world from terrorists! Here is the email in it's entirety, with my comments in italics

This is to officially inform you that we have verified your contract
inheritance file and found out that why you have not received your
payment is because you have not fulfilled the obligations given to you in respect of your contract/inheritance payment.(that, and I don't actually have a payment coming)

Secondly we have been informed that you are still dealing with the
none officials in the bank all your attempt to secure the release of
the fund to you.(funny, that LOOKS like English) We wish to advise you that such an illegal act like this have to stop if you wishes to receive your payment since we have decided to bring a solution to your problem.(what?) Right now we have arranged your payment through our swift card payment center Asia pacific, that is the latest instruction from Mr. President, Chief BONI YANY (GCFR) federal republic of BENIN.(I googled Benin, it's near Nigeria. I'm sure none of those nice Nigerian people would try to scam me)

This card center will send you an ATM card which you will use to
withdraw your money in any ATM machine in any part of the world,
so if you like to receive your fund in this way, please let us
know by contacting the ATM payment department and also send the
following information as listed below.

Your full name_________________________
Your address__________________________
Your country___________________________
Your age______________________________
Your occupation________________________
Your Phone number______________________
Address were you want them to send the ATM card to
(p.o box not acceptable)
Attach copy of your identification (yeah, riiiight)

We have been instructed to issue out $950,000.00 as part payment for
this fiscal year 2009. Also for your information, you have to stop anyfurther communication with any other person(s) or office(s) to avoid any hitches in receiving your payment.Waiting for your expedite response.(guess what my "expedite response" was. THe words 'fuck you' sound familiar.)

YOURS SINCERELY

Mr Jack Bauer