Jokes from friends & other things

Irish Coffee
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician
to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido.
'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.

'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it.Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how
things went.'

It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor,
who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear
exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was
horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'

'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.

'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped
straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants
a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute
nightmare!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'

'Feckin jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin here, I'll never be able to show me face in Tim Hortons again!!!!!!!!


THE CORK
Two blokes are in a locker room taking a shower after a game of football when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his bum. If you do not mind me saying,that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why don't you take it out?'

I regret I cannot', said the first bloke.
'It is permanently stuck in my bum...'

'I do not understand,' said the other.

The first bloke says, 'I was walking along Flinders Street, and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge blue man in Arabian attire with a beard came boiling out. He said, 'I am the Genie of the Lamp . I can grant you one wish.'

I said, 'No shit?'

Facebook is getting people to start choosing usernames. I decided to use one of their name-generator applications. I scrolled down the list available and one was "your red-neck name". So I had to. My full name "translated" into "Bo Beaver". Ya gotta know I'm gonna go with that. I have to, the irony is too delicious not to.

I hope Pittsburgh wins tonight,although that would mean 2 more days before the season is over, one way or another. I am ready for hockey to end and CFL football to begin. Go Lions!