jokes and other things

I don't mind God opening new doors for me. I just wish he's stop slamming the old one on my ass

Billy Mays died. I wonder if oxy-clean can get rid of those nasty "coffin stains"?

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.
'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

Facebook fun :
Which crazy bitch am I ? - Courtenay Love : You are one wild bitch. You love trouble and trouble loves you.

Which Michael Jackson Song Are You? - style="font-style:italic;">Beat It (how oddly appropriate!) : Just Beat It, Beat It! No One Wants To Be Defeated.

Which Transformer Are You? - Optimus Prime : He is a strong leader, gallant fighter, quick witted, and compassionate towards all living creatures.

Well, today is my last day at present employment.Onward and upward,as they say. I've learned in the last few years that everytime something bad happens to me,something even better happens shortly thereafter.So bring it on.

Canada Day tomorrow! Big happenings,parades,classic car show,all kinds of fun and games. Can't wait!

See ya all soon.
hugs & kisses