funnies and other things....

REAL GROANERS! (e-mail from Dad)

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A set of jumper cables walk into a bar.

The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says:

'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:

'Does this taste funny to you ?'

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'

'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.'

'Is it common ?'

'Well, It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'

'I don't believe you,' says Dolly.

'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.

He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs !'

The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms !'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes ?

A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.

One turns to the other and says, 'Dam !'

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were a bit cold, so they lit a fire in the craft.

It sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel,

and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to

disperse.

'But why,' they asked, as they moved off.

'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.'

The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.'

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, 'They're twins ! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,

which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,

he suffered from bad breath.

This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ......

A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

(My own joke) - What did the woman say when her dog ran away?
FINALLY my house is spotless! (altogether now ....BOOOOOOO!)

Went to my nephew Brayden's graduation on saturday. It was long and hard to sit for 3 hours (due to my back pain) but it was well worth it. He worked hard for it and I am very proud of him. Way to go kid!

The following is the email my dad sent me when I came out to my family :

Dear Alex;
I've spent many hours in the past several weeks pondering your announcement that you were gay. It has troubled me a lot but it has nothing to do with your being gay. What bothers me is the homophobic, redneck image I must have projected to you of myself to the point where you were afraid to tell me directly. If a person can't go to their father with their innermost feelings, what does that say about the father?
Instead of providing you with strength when you needed it through the years, I displayed one of my many weaknesses.
And the thing about there likely not being any future Alexander Macdougalls. Again, I totally overlooked or never even considered how you or anyone else felt about the future of the Macdougall name. It was nothing but ego and stupidity. And, after 1,000 years or so of there always being an Alexander Macdougall, perhaps the world deserves a break.
I'm happy for you and your new found peace of mind. Maybe in the future I can try to be a little less intimidating and a lot more openly loving.
I have a framed Mark Twain quote hanging above my desk. It somehow seems appropriate:

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the tradewinds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

With a father's love,
Your proud dad.

Is it any wonder I turned out so super? lol.

Watched part 1 of "The Last Templar " today. Even with bad acting and cliche's it somehow remains somewhat entertaining. I love stories involving the Templars and the Crusades.

Isn't it funny that celebrity after celebrity can have come back after comeback because we "love" them and will forgive them for that dui or drugbust or some other transgression but we have a lot of trouble forgiving our family or friends for the same things?
This doesn't relate to me personally as I have a great family and great friends as well but I know lots of people who don't talk to each other for much more trivial things. It's very sad.

Going to a doctor on friday - it's something called Bowen Therapy. Some kind of new age stuff. People I talked to swear by it so I hope to be out of pain after that.

Well, I had more to say but my time at the library is about up.
Take 'er easy.

And if she's easy - take 'er twice.